Responsibility is not an as needed thing. When and where are you accountable free of goading, for your crimes or your sins or the edited memories all Americans keep close to the chest as personal truths, for the harms left in the wake of your right of way?
I was considering how, we can pipeline oil from Alaska to Mexico and back again, but we cannot really pipeline water over to neighboring states. Especially not since Nestle and the like have bought up over half the lakes in the country. American people as individuals or community boards will sell their own hides to play human capital, but should passing strangers be homeless, starving to death or getting burned alive responses are generally “I gave at the office” or “Nobody helped me” or “I have my own issues (fully maudlin by contrast though)”. The last Southpark thing I viewed was the streaming wars movie of maybe a couple years back, which was smartly a simile transposing the water rights controversies in western states with business practices by the digital streaming companies, both ultimately matters of outside corporate self-interests declaring ownership of things they did not create or construct, as well as claiming ownership over how said things might be engaged with. Which in turn reminded me of the Aaron Swartz story, how at no time did any MIT student ever sign contracts for the school to make money from their term papers to the extent alumni authors themselves would need to pay for access to their own writings, but the school was so offended by Aaron’s student-approved workaround it leaned on the feds to pressure him until giving up far more than the one just fight.
I don’t require anyone to be subservient to me, I won’t self-identify as scapegoat or superior, or enabler of any stripe. I willingly relocated to motherfucking Dallas, Texas 3 years ago, I have no pride and am not one to grant much emphasis toward my comfort levels. Throughout this life have I claimed as few rights and resources and opportunities for myself as humanly possible, because wherever I go there are the majority with even fewer. So that with every ache and pain have I given for others to maybe go without the inconvenience. I have always done what I would to help maintain the persons around me, for it is undeniable how American culture and American society each demand that all be granted to ego. Any ideological inconsistency or self-contradiction of moral code maintained by others and permitted to evolve through so much as the second dimension is a seed for destruction or self-destruction or both. I grasped that even before I could formulate the words to convey it myself. Across time and space I tried to prompt others to ask questions of themselves and the world around them, all the reviews and interviews were to that end. There were never people and places and things I wanted desperately to possess, I endured without, whether I “earned” claim or I was acting on some primal indistinction between impulse and instinct. The conscious distinction being what makes or breaks any institution as well as any revolution to follow, from terms of our hyper-personal psychogenesis onto societal structuring and functioning and collapsing. Impulsiveness is never not brash youthful abandon, always a destabilizing fault. Instinctiveness is very much the opposite, a firm grasp on reality no matter how undefinable but especially one so strong you cannot manage to loosen such grip despite all else in need of a hand. You have to lose enough fights to truly understand when they are just.
My shame and remorse is knowing I can never be strong enough, swift enough or more learned enough to fight all the more just fights, having been concerned exclusively with cleaning, repairing or merely fending off what lesser problems I could manage in the waking world and exclusively the big picture online, with no energy spent on depriving others of resource or opportunity. Any sort of union humanity might comprise, any multiple of persons be it matrimonial or vocational or recreational in pursuits, adds to its numbers by preying on either impulses or instincts. Maybe, the subset of homo-sapiens perhaps most prone towards committing suicide were the only people who could be classified as better than animals, capable as they prove of refraining from giving in to their own impulses or instincts for consuming and fucking and getting fucked. But then, I have known actual beasts to have the natural sense of personal responsibility surpassing any living politician I can think of.
I don’t believe there is greater angst a life might undergo around the human experience, than the full realization of firsthand guilt. Why allow your chosen enemies in this mortal coil the lethal exit to avoid such lifetime of crippling torment? Grant them the truest incarceration, and by all means keep them alive and well to die of natural causes and not whichever infinite contrivance of ego’s whim insisting one life matters less than another. Likewise, why claim escapism over charity, why leave work for others or create messes for others, when you have the right to be better, you have the resource and opportunity to do as much as lowly me. Most pray to never be forgotten, but in reality most are forgotten before they die, by all the passing strangers of life’s winding ways as they themselves gave at the office or you never helped them or they simply have their own fast food menu to contend with. Every year of my life has been a dramatically different experience from the rest, I cannot stop taking punches and I cannot have the punches I take stop me, for nature has its design free of pride or comfort and with design observed an objective.