My name is Richard Harloe Caldwell Jr. No matter the circumstance do I refuse blame or credit earned by others and nobody is welcome to mine. Regardless of classification as unemployable and borderline homeless I am obliged to clean the unwashed masses of messes consisting of both types of Americans- all those justifying murder, and the many more cowards with no qualms about abandoning others to fates worse than their own. I’ve no time or space for any cult leader of church or state or industry, and I say fuck every last one of their enablers no matter how unbeknownst. I’ve alliances with nobody, for no friendship is worth more than this task before me as people need real help more than I or anyone else need to feel comfortable or appeased. Where every American voice I encounter seems to define revolution as installing a competing brand, and that any degree of self-interest somehow weighs more than meeting the needs of anybody suffering lack of sustenance or housing, my one pursuit in life is to keep everyone alive that I might, to suffer the society of entrapment and extortion and exploitations they all entertain. There is no star of the show as there is no show. Nothing is belittled more than genuine innocence, and that is fucking dark for an entire culture of babies. No fantasy can take precedent over the preservation of life itself, all life. I willingly go without all that anyone loves, so that they may know every thorn grown from such endearments.
If we cannae federally regulate gluttons for punishment no matter the banner they fly, then let us try social-reverse-engineering, every excuse for not taking our weaknesses for what they are, and encourage one another only in checking oneself. Destroy every mirror because the world reflects our words and our actions primping or not.
I began adult life as a high school dropout in 1992, a 14-year-old junior but one year from graduation. Confused the shit out of everyone. But I had to take research into my own hands, to prepare myself for the working world as soon as legally possible, and help relieve my single working mom’s burden of three amazing kids by displacing the little professor far, far away. I’d already read the bulk of Shakespeare’s works, I needed more dirt and blood on my hands. This was long enough ago to’ve grown a whole Jesus, 33 years. I grew nothing instead, as property truly is theft. And because my dreams could never be more absurd than what the real world provides by the bushel and the peck and the hug around the neck. I was always better with animals than with people, and there are reasons why you never hear one make a promise. Since they are always quick to answer my questions I try to be fast in responding to theirs to the best of my abilities. Our human potential for not prematurely ending a life for the sake of indulgence is what separates us from them and nothing else. That’s kind of the whole point to it, life is the very process in which we are made and unmade to learn to let go of everything but life. I awoke once to a uniformed patrolman urinating on me back in my more intensive homeless days. I was sleeping between shifts in a multi-level parking garage with full permission from the site manager as I had been her manager in a previous job, and had she not been present the scene would have been far more violent. But in those moments I learned everything the ancient Gnostics would ever hope to piecemeal together.
I turn 47 on the Ides but this, is my retirement plan to my death.